My Struggle with Weight and Food Addiction
This is my reality. Every. Single. Day. This is my struggle with food addiction.
I feel like I need to write this post to let you all in on my struggle with my weight. Lately, I have been writing posts about healthy snacks and things to do instead of snacking. In no way did I want you all to think that I have myself all together in the healthy living category of life. I DEFINITELY do not! But I am taking giant steps toward getting to a healthy body weight and being happy with the way I physically look. I have self-confidence - really I think I always have - but when I looked in the mirror I knew that there were things I could do to be healthier and I had to ask myself: "why aren't you doing those things?!"
There was no answer for a long time. Well, there were answers but in reality they weren't answers - they were excuses.
My story is a little different from the typical 'journey to health' story. In mine, I wasn't always overweight. In fact, I was an active soccer player and I went running at home for exercise in the off-season (summer). I gained a bit of weight my freshman year of college, but I was able to very easily lose it all again in the span of 2 months.
It wasn't really until I got married that I began to struggle. My body's metabolism slowed down. I was completely content with my married life. Even still, I didn't gain more than 10 pounds. It wasn't until I wanted to have babies that I started to gain a lot. Not while pregnant - before I even got pregnant.
Matt and I struggled to get pregnant because I have PCOS (Poly-Cystic Ovary Syndrome). This is basically where my ovaries are abnormal because they have tons and tons of cysts in them. This makes it super hard to get pregnant and the struggle with "infertility" (yes, they called it that - we had to go to a fertility specialist before our first baby was conceived) really got me down. I was so ready to have a baby. And after more than a year and a half of trying and failing, the pounds kept piling on.
Any doctor will tell you that to help with PCOS and infertility you should LOSE weight. But I was so depressed about the whole situation that I used food for comfort. My mindset was so negative and I just expected the doctors - not me - to make it all better.
Luckily for us, we did end up getting pregnant and having our daughter Lylah. Ironically, I didn't gain too much weight while being pregnant, but I was already over 170 pounds. This is way over where I should be because I am only 5'0 tall.
In the years between my daughter's birth and my son's birth (5 years apart), my weight fluctuated up and down a few pounds. Nothing ever significant. And after my son was born, I was at my heaviest weight - almost 200 pounds. So last year, I knew a change had to be made and I joined Weight Watchers. I lost 10 pounds in the first 2 months - a major achievement for me and I was so proud! But for some reason, after that my mindset changed again and I was "so over" eating healthy. It wasn't fun for me because I was so used to eating unhealthy, comfort foods and so addicted to the way they made me feel. And I gained the 10 lbs back again.
At WW they talk a lot about finding your "why." What are your reasons for wanting to lose weight and be healthier? At the start of this year, I looked in the mirror and I told myself that this was my year. This is the year that I am going to meet my goal! I went over my "whys" and decided that I have to keep a positive mindset. I reminded myself that setbacks happen and every meal (not day) is a fresh start. This mindset was so different than in the past.
My husband is super supportive of my journey. He tells me all the time that I'm beautiful and that he loves me, but he knows how important meeting my goal weight is to me. He's my cheerleader!
So, that's my story. I still struggle everyday to make smart, healthy choices with my eating. I know that I suffer from a food addiction and I know the ways to fight it. I understand that my mindset has to stay positive and I know that setting small, attainable goals will keep me motivated to stay on track. Already I have lost weight and, most importantly, I feel SO much better! I feel healthier. I have more energy to do the things that are important to me - like playing with kids and getting the housework done. And every time I make a smart food choice, I am proud of myself for making that choice and sticking with it!
Posting blogs about healthful mindsets and eating well help me to stay on track, too. They motivate me to keep on this journey toward my goal weight because in a year from now I want to be able to say "I did it!" :-)